warning: this is an emo post. leave if you must!

I am feeling:

1.       Stressed.

a.       My to-do lists seems to pile up one after the other. When it just seems as if I have accomplished a task, another adds to my pending must-do work. Don’t we ever get rests nowadays?

b.      I have trouble sleeping! For someone who LOVES to sleep, I just don’t understand why my sleeping pattern’s all crazy. Even when I’m tired, I spent like an hour in bed tossing and turning.

2.       Lazy. I know I’ve been a not-so-diligent student lately. No longer the grade conscious student as I was way back high school, I find myself maximizing on our allowable absences and tardiness. I find myself excusable absences such as conflicting class with an exam to the lamest excuse of being tired or weak willed to get up from bed. Could it be that I have spent a substantial amount of my time and energy being the over diligent student way back high school and grade school that I finally find myself sick and tired of playing the goody goody responsible role? I refuse to justify myself in such manner! Still, the thought comes to mind whenever I find my mind wandering away from the discussion or my mouth quietly bidding the time to go a bit faster or my thoughts turning into nasty ones like when the prof finally gets our laziness spell, shuts up and dismisses us. Hahahahah ^_^

3.       Disorganized. My part of the room is a disaster! My top bunk or my “tambak” bunk is filled with a jumble of papers, books, dvds, manuals all waiting to be filed, classified, rewritten or thrown away. My planner has not been followed according to its list as I usually do.

4.       Guilty.

a.       I have spent my Sunday in SM doing my monthly grocery shopping. I bought the essential stuff like water, food, drinks and toiletries to last me a month or so. However, I cannot help but indulge in a last minute look on magazines and books in National Bookstore. Hence, I went out with 2 magazines and a book. I’d like to think that it was worthwhile since they are readings of substance and not the ordinary trashy romance novels I indulge in from time to time. So where does the guilt come from? It comes from my pact to be a wise buyer, a better shopper – one who does not buy stuff out of a sudden whim. Unfortunately, I failed at that! *sigh*

5.       Disappointed. (Of myself, that is.) As I said, I have almost always been a conscientious student. Now, I find myself average. I have lately not met my self expectations on my group contributions whether academic or extracurricular. I fear that I am turning into the kind of group mate I loathe – the one who does what is assigned half heartedly because someone’s likely to polish off his work.

6.       Above all, I FEEL BLESSED. Because through the whirls and turmoil of thoughts going through my head, I have family and friends who support me. Some who tell me that I can do what seems to be a hard task. Some who tell me not to be too hard on myself. And some who tell me that this is just one of those down times, I’ve been worse and like before, I’ll soon get over it.