1:36pm

BAA

What am I doing here?

Do I have what it takes to remain in the program?

Wtf! I almost failed my supposedly “easy” second long exam. (I’m not being sarcastic here. The exam’s really easy. A lot of people got really high scores)

How the hell am I supposed to get a 2.00 for this course?

 

TIME

With barely 40 days till the end of this sem, inclusive of holidays and weekends, I find myself running out of opportunities to redeem myself. I find myself like the rabbit who, no matter how fast he runs, cannot reach the Finish line in time to WIN!

 

MEDIOCRITY

“UP breeds mediocrity,” some may claim. Is this true and am I finally living this statement?

I find myself in situations where I disappoint myself over and over again. I have not simply raised the bar of expectations of myself. On the contrary, I have lowered it to help me keep my sanity in this university.

Have I just had too many stuff to do on my list that I have been too overwhelmed? Have I taken a look at the big picture too long that I drowned in it – paralyzed in fear and inaction?

 

I rest my case for now. Despite my lack of answers, I pause. I need to breathe and take a grip on myself. I need back my sanity!

 

2:30

                Thank God! No Bio1 class for today. I can end my day early.

               

                DROPPING

After my very disappointing accounting grade, I’m having thoughts on dropping the subject. However, this was never an option for me. I don’t like quitting. Still, it’s a very low grade. Can I still clean up my act and go get a high grade?

 

                SLEEP

I have been sleep deprived for so long. I’m tired! I feel as if I have been robbed of a weekend. I think I shall just sleep on my thoughts (especially the thought of dropping) lest I do something I’d later regret.

 

7:59

DORM

Wtf! We have ANOTHER meeting tonight? Why tonight of all nights? I’ve been wanting to sleep or unwind the stress and the depressing feelings I have! “Come, 9pm sharp with your index card for evaluation. That is, if you still want to be accepted to a dorm next sem. Hell! I don’t even have an index card! I have never received one but I indubitably attend almost all required meetings, events, talks blah blah blah! Damn it!

 

8:15

ADVICES

As I go through the messages on my phone, I recall the horrible feelings I’ve had this morning. Here’s an advice that got me to stop my melodramatics: “You shouldn’t stop fighting for excellence. So you failed this morning. It’s a big deal I know. Just get back on the goddamn horse.”

 

I WANNA GO CRAZY AND SHOCK THE WORLD!