It’s been quite a long time since I last posted a blog . Hence, pent up emotions are over pouring.
Accomodations. I wasn’t accepted in the dorm to my absolute dismay. No choice, I went to search for a boarding house within the UP Campus. Luckily, I found one. Rented the whole room for myself and had someone to share with me when I realized that being alone = privacy but solitary sadness as well. Therefore, I now have a new room mate. Check her out à http://bittererthanyou.multiply.com/ She’s wacky, bubbly and such a hopeless romantic. To my absolute dismay (kidding demi!), she’s also addicted to Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Oh by the way, her name’s Demi. J There’s countless times that she’d go from SM North to SM Manila to Trinoma and then BACK TO SM NORTH in search of a book (supposedly a sequel to Pride and Prejudice) that’s not even half as good as Austen’s novel. Well, that’s her. She’s interesting to talk too, though. She can ride along my boy crazy ways, laugh at me while I attempt to wash my underwear, buy me ice cream or cake when I’m depressed and curse my current boy distraction just to cheer me up. Oh, her presence also comes handy when it comes to dealing with the little devil in our boarding house.
Kaye. Haven’t you heard of Kaye yet? Well, she’s our land lady’s grand daughter. She’s awfully cute (kind of reminds me of myself when I was young), chubby, bibo, but.. and that’s a major but… sometimes, annoying. For an eight year old she knows more of the birds and the bees than what she should know. Hahaha.. Here comes Demi’s role. Her role is the shrieking boarder who covers her ears as Kaye explicitly describes what Demi and her non-existent boyfriend should be doing. Hers is the role that runs in an attempt to dodge Kaye’s hands from grabbing parts where you wouldn’t want to be touched (unless by your man in the near future, probably). So, what’s my role? Oh… I run from time to time or point Kaye to Demi to get her off my back, laugh at them and at most, tease Demi more… Am I such a bad room mate? I’m not that terrible, am I Demi? (Here… she says no…)
BAA. This paragraph should be titled, “Be careful what you wish for…” You see, friends, for the longest time, I’ve wanted to be in the BAA program. Way back in high school, I cried when I learned I passed UP but in my second choice, BS Chemical Engineering. I had bitter regrets and suddenly, I wished I studied more, prepared more and did everything beyond my means to get into BAA. Not to be discouraged though, I entered UP as a Chem Eng’g student. My blockmates were nice and so fun to be with. I was on the verge of failing chem. but they were there to support and help me along the way. Those days were priceless. Lab was great even if lec would drive me into a deep slumber. I was enjoying myself but I never forgot of my dream to get into the BAA program. So, on the second sem, I prepared myself for shifting. To be safe though, if I didn’t get accepted, I took engineering Math 53 (which could be credited as Math 100) during the summer. I passed Math 53 and got accepted to BAA. I should be happy now, right? Well… let’s just say, it’s hard to put the past behind you. No offense meant to my BAA friends or my BA and Econ classmates. However, I feel that I miss the warmth of Engineering. There’s something so warm about the people that makes you feel very welcome. Perhaps, I’ve started on the wrong foot in BA but I just feel the silence there. As if they’re too formal. Or maybe, I’m just scared to mingle because they’ve established friendship circles already. Even when they’re loud, it’s different from Eng’g. It’s almost as if I feel lost in my own building, my own course and my own class. It’s as if I’m there with them but never really a part of them. I’m sorry. I feel kind of sad and I’m starting to question if I made the right choice. But I chose this, I’ll see this through. Hopefully, it’s only the first sem that’s this tough and eventually, I’ll feel the same pride for BAA that I’ve felt whenever I had to answer people that my course is Chem Eng’g. Perhaps, adjustments are just always hard. I’d learn to cope. I hope.
Debut. My birthday’s not that near but preparations are being done. It’s never too early to start planning. In my case, I’m already almost late. I never thought it was a tiring process. I used to picture pretty gowns and dancing but that’s that. Grabe! How wrong I was. It took us more like one month before I settled with a venue. It took me a month to think and confirm what theme I’d like. Right now, it’s mixed emotions. I’m excited and at the same time, scared. Scared because my parents would be spending for this and I know it’s not practical because it involves putting out a big amount of money (that’ll feed a family of two for a month, as my dad would say) for something that’ll last five hours to the most. But I want this. I really do. Perhaps not as lavish compared to some and not so simple in some terms. Whatever this is, I want this. So, I’m done so far with venue and gown. Here comes the hard part – inviting your guests.
Guests. (blind item 101)
Disclaimer: This blog is written as emotions are surging therefore they may or may not reflect the true opinion of the writer. Let us bear in mind that adrenaline rush affects people in various ways.
Caution: This also, does not mean to hurt or cause any offense to the people involved.
First and foremost, I love these people therefore I want them to be there as I celebrate 18 years of existence in this world. I just can’t understand how some people would think that they’d be out of place just because we haven’t seen each other for quite some time. Hell, don’t you think that the fact that we’ve kept in touch throughout these years and that I’ve invited is enough reason for you to believe that we’re close and that we’re still friends and that whatever happens you’re an integral part of my childhood and growing up years?
Secondly, I just can’t understand why some people would butt in stuff you wouldn’t want to hear. It hurts you know! It’s been so long, but it still hurts and I’m scared. I’m terrified that all these years, I might be living in a lie when I say, “I’ve moved on.” Nevertheless, I want you to be there. Like you’ve said, you’re one of my closest friends. I don’t care about your present because I know that the past is enough reason for you to come. Please do.
Last, I love you sooooo much! We’re so similar. You tell me all the things I want to hear. You’re an emotional wreck like me at times but we always get to our feet, right? I know it’s my fault. I know I should have given an earlier date. I know I have no right to demand that you pick my event over hers. It would be selfish and I know that had I been first, you would come. I know it’s hard to chose and perhaps you’re just being fair. But, would it be too much if I ask you to come at least until 6 and then dash to hers? I’m sorry.. Selfish ako! Oh well, if you can’t come to mine, I’ll make sure I’ll come to yours. I miss you too much not to. Debuts are, perhaps, our only excuse to meet.
It’s hard to be silent. It’s hard to stay still. Because before it cuts to the core, I want it out. No regrets. No holds barred.
